Funny Blonde JokesFunny Blonde Jokes

They may be stereotypical but these funny blonde jokes are still hilarious. And if you're a blonde, please don't take any offence - just switch the word "blonde" for "redhead" or "brunette" and you can laugh at them too!

So whatever your hair color, we hope you enjoy this collection of the best funny blonde jokes...

Latest Blonde Jokes

Funny Short Joke

Funny Blonde Police Officers Joke

Two blonde police officers crash their patrol car into a tree.

After a moment’s silence, the first blonde says to the other, “Wow, I think that’s the quickest we’ve ever got to the scene of an accident.”

Hilarious Jokes

Funny Blonde Car Joke

A blonde pushes her car into a gas station one day.

She tells the mechanic it just died as she was driving along.

The mechanic works on it and soon has the engine idling smoothly.

The blonde asks him, “So, what’s the story?”

The mechanic says, “Just crap in the carburettor.”

The blonde asks, “Okay, how often do I have to do that?”

Hilarious Jokes

Three Blondes Joke

There are these three blondes stood on one side of the river one day, wondering how they’re going to get across to the other side.

The first blonde, in desperation, begins to pray, “God please make me smart enough to get across this river.”

God hears this and turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river.

The second blonde then also starts to pray, saying, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river.”

So God turns her into a redhead and she builds a boat and rows across the river.

The third blonde, seeing this, also start to pray. She says, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined.”

So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.

Funny Short Joke

Crying Blonde Joke

A blonde woman turns up at work in floods of tears. Her boss asks her what’s wrong.

She replies, “My mom died.”

The boss tells her to go home but she insists she’ll be fine.

Later that day, the boss finds her in floods of tears again so he asks if she’s okay.

She replies, “Not really. I just talked to my sister and her mom died too.”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Cooking Instructions

My blonde girlfriend has three hours of video footage of raw chicken on her iPhone.

The cooking instructions said “Remove sleeve and film”…

Hilarious Jokes

Medical Exam

A blonde woman is having a medical examination at the doctor’s.

The doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let’s check the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble…”

The blonde starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…

“No! No! Just stick out your tongue!”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Worse Than Tennis Elbow?

A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her.

The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets.

He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her, he says, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time, appearing to think deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more and asks:

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Gnome laughing at funny jokes

When Was I Born?

I was talking to this blonde girl in a bar last night and I told her I could guess what day women were born just by feeling their boobs.

“Oh yeah?” she said, “Go on then… tell me when I was born”

After about thirty seconds of me fondling her boobs, she finally lost patience and demanded “Come on then, what day was I born?”

“Yesterday.” I replied.

Laughing At Funny Joke

Epileptic Goldfish

A blonde woman goes to the vet with her goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”

The blonde says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Going To California

These two blondes were going to California for the summer.

They’re about two hours into the flight when the pilot comes on the intercom and says, “We’ve just lost an engine but it’s all right, we have three more so nothing to worry about. It will take us about an hour longer to get there, that’s all.”

A half hour later the pilot comes on the intercom again and says, “We’ve just lost another engine but it’s all right, we still have two more so nothing to worry about. It will just take us an extra half hour to get there.”

One of the blondes turns to the other and says “If we lose the two last engines we’ll be up here all day.”

Funny Joke

Swimming Competition

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition.

The brunette came in first and the redhead second.

The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and a drink she said, “I don’t want to complain, but I’m pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.”

Hilarious Jokes

Make Sure She’s Dead

A blonde and a redhead are walking in the woods one day when the redhead suddenly has a heart attack and falls to the ground.

Shocked, the blonde takes out her phone, calls the police and shouts, “Help! I think my friend is dead, what should I do?”

The policeman who answered the phone says, “Ok, calm down and listen to me. The first thing to do is to make sure that they really are dead….”

There’s a silence…

Then a loud gunshot…

Then the blonde comes back on the phone and says, “Okay, now what?”

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